♛ starshine.

t h e r e m i n i s c e n t s t a r - -
v2.o -star.

Saturday, February 14, 2004

i could tell the whole world just how much i miss you.. but would you know nicky.. would you know?..

oh. its valentine's day today. happy valentine's day to all.

looks like the entry i posted on weddie didn't turn up.. so hm. oh wells. guess its up now alreadeh. yeaps. have been under the.. -unstable- kinda mood since.. the 10th. don't ask me why the 10th. trust me. you wouldn't wanna know.

losing control of the state of my heart. yeah. teeny weeny comments could actually prick THIS MUCH. maybe that's why they always say.. never underestimate the power of words? hmm. oh. well. guess so huh.

i swear i've never been unluckier in my life on friday the THIRTEENTH. =| yeah. bad day. bad bad day. didn't go ta school.. and met sweetie outside deli@ps. original plan was ta.. go over to tiff's house.. but her dad came home.. so.. well. ended up coming over to my place instead.

haha. had a hard time opening up my gate cause my key sinply detests me like almost the whole world does. or so i think. maybe the whole world detests me. just that i'm not aware of it? i mean. after all. who knows truely what lies beneath that friendly smile and comforting words? hm.. hypocracy is found everywhere these days. disappointing fact. but it just looks like we've gotta live with it and all. well. went outta line. yeah. nevermind. jenny magically opened my door! haha. not bad eh. yeah. so we pretty much slacked.. till bout one plus made nu er and pts watch lover's concerto. pts said it was boring. nu er cried. me? nah. just felt nothing. surprising? well. not anymore. hm. =)

went down town.. met stead and dearie at clippers. dia was there too.. den baby came.. followed by bj unker? and i think the other person is xiao ben? lol. not too sure bout that. *shrugs. hmm. and darling came soon after that. yeah. they went off as soon as they're done with their hair? *shrugs again. hmm. went over to perfect in black. where i finally realised how FAT i was. *chuckles. tried 2 dresses. both of which i though were failures and total no-no's. but pl and sweetie said the bareback one's kinda nice? *shrugs. i like the cutting though. its just. g o r g e o u s. =) yeah.

paragon was da next stop? wanted ta drop by and say hie to daddy and yeh yeh.. but yeh yeh was working.. and so we didn't manage to do all the catching up and stuff?.. hmms. went over to soba. haha. saw that ah beng james. still the same. i guess? oh. i saw annie jie too. haha. yeah. passed wei her pressie. she looked really happy? am seriously hoping that she loves the present. cos the first person i thought of when i saw that was wei. =) my precious and first lil son. oo. =x yeah..

rushed down ta cine.. was shoo-ing them. ha. cos apparently -pt- was waiting there for sometime.. bumped into joel. travis. nic gan er zi. caroline and all outside cine.. catched up a lil.. and my heart literally tore when i saw how er zi cried. *sigh sigh. sweetie went on in to talk to her cousin.. and -pt- i think? and yeah. went in. saw her. haha. cute hair i must say. she looks better.. cuter? i guess. *shrugs. yeah.. i only remember her saying on thing to me when i was there... before..... stuffs happened. my hair cute anot ah? and i was like.. cute.. very cute. really wad. she looks cute! =)) the rest is a mystery. and neither do i wish to talk about it.

like i said earlier on. words said unintentionally could cause a whole lot of damage. *nods. and i guess that was what exactly happened. i mean. yeah. i get it she's your friend cum ex cum someone you know very well and all. but maybe you should find out MORE before accusing people. well. i ain't saying anymore stuffs. yeah. *shrugs. just still. don't like her. not toally cause of what she said. but cos she didn't even bother to ask and find out before talking rubbs. hm. blah. nuff said.

went on outta cine. met stead outside and got my vday present. hmm. =) thanks stead. i really like em. hmm. went over to heerens. and yeah. got the balloons. i think i was just so angry. whatever -she- said just made it much worse. sorry.. they didn't mean it de. yeah well. i hate to sound totally petty and unreasonable.. which i think i do sound like all the time.. yeah. well. the apology was/could be accepted. but the damage's been done. yeaps.

its just like. taking a few steps toward something slowly. and one small thing makes you take 3 steps back. and those words just made you walk all the way back into your shell. your shelter from pain. hhaha. i really think i sound darn pathetic.

was so darn excited bout monks. but dumb dad didn't sleep. and things happened. everyone wasn't alright. and i guess. neither was i. hmm. i guess transaction number one was done. there'll be 3 more of suchs to come. and then its fair and square. i don't want to be oweing you anything. cause that would cause certain miscomfort between us.. and some others. and in any case i don't think you know what the hell i'm talking bout.. so its fine. just take it as though i'm talking to myself.

didn't sleep at all. and now i'm awake. haha. its funny. that someone's crying on valentine's day. what happened to the. love is in the air? i don't feel any? *shrugs. too numb. i guess. jaded. haha. i won't be stepping outta my shell for a LONG long time. nods*

realised another thing yesterday. think i'm sort of a PLAYTHING for certain people. well. yeah. i should go draw up a sketch for a voodoo doll / just some lil doll and name it PLAYTHING PORTIA. =)

its getting too hard to breathe it all in.

;elysium.
9:31:00 AM